When Broken Doorbells Ring

36

June 23, 2014 by Melanie L.

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Ding-clunk
For all who visit.
Ding-dong.
I thought: he fixed it.

Ding-clunk
For all who solicit.
Ding-dong.
That’s odd, I missed them.

Ding-clunk
For all who come.
Ding-dong.
There’s not a one.

My sign you’re here but beyond
Missed, with memories fond.

 

 

36 thoughts on “When Broken Doorbells Ring

  1. ooh.. love the use of onomatopoeia here. great post!

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  2. Oh my. I thought your piece was going one way and then you did a pirouette at the end. A lovely connection to humour and the heart. :))

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  3. C.C. says:

    Melanie…I love the structuring you used in this piece. It adds such rich texture and depth.

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  4. I love your repetition of phrases, your trademark! It made me think about the significance of the broken door bell as a metaphor as well as a functioning object. Good work!

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    • Melanie L. says:

      Oh I have a trademark?! Thank you! I’m glad you like the repetition. I wasn’t sure that was an effective use of my 42 words so I drafted a second response (also about my doorbell) that I posted in the gargleblaster comments.

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  5. very evocative, and beautifully written.

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  6. What a beautifully audible piece. I kept saying that ‘Ding-clunk’ aloud when I read it 😀 Agree with Glasgow, the metaphor comes across very well!

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  7. Charming piece to which I can relate. Nice job!

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  8. blainecindy says:

    This is a lovely poem. Truly enjoyed it!

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  9. Silverleaf says:

    A seemingly lighthearted piece that becomes touching and evocative at the end; I’m always amazed at what can be achieved in 42 words.

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  10. Kir Piccini says:

    I just loved the metaphor for the doorbell and how each person that pressed it might not be real or there. It was thoughtful and touching.

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    • Melanie L. says:

      I would really like to take credit for any metaphor but really, this is just a true story about my broken doorbell that only rang correctly when no one was pushing the button outside. I have a second poem on my blog about the same doorbell.

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  11. This was so much fun to read. It had a sing song quality to it and an amazing rhythm, So fun!

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  12. […] with the ring of a sweet ding-dong […]

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  13. Jen says:

    Isn’t this always the way it works? Maybe if you tell people to knock on the door, the bell will ring by itself. ha ha

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  14. GennaClaire says:

    Awesome rhythm. I loved this one.

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  15. M. L. Sexton says:

    This was great!

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  16. Lance says:

    The devices in play are brilliant and I really felt this as a result. well paced.

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  17. TMW Hickman says:

    Beautifully and cleverly done. I loved the rhythm of this.

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  18. saroful says:

    Now that I’ve read them both, I think you were right to pick this one for the grid- I know it was more of a stretch for you to write but you’ve done good things with the structure.

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  19. innatejames says:

    Love the 2 different outcomes here. And I completely agree with Rowan. This was the one to submit!

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Behind the Blog

Melanie L.

Melanie L.

Wanna-be writer, amateur oil painter, practicing law and motherhood with varied success.

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