When Broken Doorbells Ring
36June 23, 2014 by Melanie L.
Ding-clunk
For all who visit.
Ding-dong.
I thought: he fixed it.
Ding-clunk
For all who solicit.
Ding-dong.
That’s odd, I missed them.
Ding-clunk
For all who come.
Ding-dong.
There’s not a one.
My sign you’re here but beyond
Missed, with memories fond.
My Own Champion 
ooh.. love the use of onomatopoeia here. great post!
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Thanks!!
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Oh my. I thought your piece was going one way and then you did a pirouette at the end. A lovely connection to humour and the heart. :))
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Kind of like how my doorbell was always surprising me!
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Melanie…I love the structuring you used in this piece. It adds such rich texture and depth.
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Thank you. I’m humbled you think so!
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I love your repetition of phrases, your trademark! It made me think about the significance of the broken door bell as a metaphor as well as a functioning object. Good work!
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Oh I have a trademark?! Thank you! I’m glad you like the repetition. I wasn’t sure that was an effective use of my 42 words so I drafted a second response (also about my doorbell) that I posted in the gargleblaster comments.
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very evocative, and beautifully written.
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Thank you very much! I’m glad you liked it!
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What a beautifully audible piece. I kept saying that ‘Ding-clunk’ aloud when I read it 😀 Agree with Glasgow, the metaphor comes across very well!
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Thank you very much!
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Charming piece to which I can relate. Nice job!
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Have you had a misbehaving doorbell too?
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Not exactly, but many similar phenomena. 🙂
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This is a lovely poem. Truly enjoyed it!
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Thanks! That’s encouraging! It’s literally my first one (since high school English class forced one out of me I’m sure).
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A seemingly lighthearted piece that becomes touching and evocative at the end; I’m always amazed at what can be achieved in 42 words.
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Thank you. I’m glad you thought so!
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I just loved the metaphor for the doorbell and how each person that pressed it might not be real or there. It was thoughtful and touching.
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I would really like to take credit for any metaphor but really, this is just a true story about my broken doorbell that only rang correctly when no one was pushing the button outside. I have a second poem on my blog about the same doorbell.
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you know what? That makes the story even better. That doorbell is indeed a metaphor for Murphy’s Law or irony for sure.
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This was so much fun to read. It had a sing song quality to it and an amazing rhythm, So fun!
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Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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[…] with the ring of a sweet ding-dong […]
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Isn’t this always the way it works? Maybe if you tell people to knock on the door, the bell will ring by itself. ha ha
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Could you imagine?!
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Awesome rhythm. I loved this one.
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Thanks! I’m humbled you love it!
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This was great!
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Thanks! I’m glad you like it!
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The devices in play are brilliant and I really felt this as a result. well paced.
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Thanks! That’s a fabulous compliment!
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Beautifully and cleverly done. I loved the rhythm of this.
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Now that I’ve read them both, I think you were right to pick this one for the grid- I know it was more of a stretch for you to write but you’ve done good things with the structure.
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Love the 2 different outcomes here. And I completely agree with Rowan. This was the one to submit!
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